Empty

Nobody understands this emptiness I feel,
Hopeless, how long will I feel this way?
Mindless, What? I'm sorry what did you say
Anxious, I sinned, what will happen to me today?
Worthless, what do I enjoy, why am I here, I forget.
Overwhelmed, how long can I live like this?
Up and down, I feel sad, I feel angry, I feel regret
Questions so many questions, why do I even exist
Antisocial, I love you, but please leave me alone.
Desperation, I've tried everything, theres nothing I can do
Too late, I am getting old, I am already grown
Distrust, you will let me down, you only care about you
Did they ever really love me, or did I just push them away?
They said they did, was it true?
I know this isn't right but I can't control this,
I know this isn't healthy, but what can I do?
I feel so empty sometimes, no emotion, no sadness, no anger, no happiness.
Just hollow, nothing inside, void of any feeling.
Empty.

Damaged

Desperately wanting the nightmare to end.
Unable to heal,
Unable to mend.
Repressed pain of the past,
Comes to haunt me at last.
My sanity sinking,
And I'm tied to the mast.
Never asking for this,
I was given no choice.
Abused and disposed of,
And left with no voice.
Stripped of trust,
Deprived of self worth.
Locked away in my own,
Private hell on earth.
I need to get out,
I have to break free.
But it all seems so hopeless,
Because I can't find the key.

I haven't updated friend pics in a while.....


Cori and I on a typical Saturday night


Jenn and I on a day off of work


ya....sometimes I don't know about her

Oh how I love this girl!

Jenn, Suzi and me out to sushi on a Friday night :)

Me and Suzi. First time I've seen her in 3 years. We talk all the time though hahahaha

I finally had time to update my blog. :) I'm still working on my apt. I haven't had a lot of time to unpack. Unfortunately sense no one goes in my room, I haven't felt so motivated to finish unpacking it. I love my apt so far! I've had a lot of fun here and made some pretty good memories in the last month too. I forgot how much I loved Salt Lake. Its really nice to have most of my friends close again.


My unfinished room, but my confortor is new, and I wanted to show it off. :)


My bathroom :)
My cute little kitchen


My dining area/some of the family room

My little family area

Another view of my family room

So I've been really busy lately. Having two jobs is stress enough, but I signed on an apt last Saturday. I was oncall at the hospital. However instead of sitting around, I decided to be productive. So I went apt hunting and found one I liked. Signed off on it and got the keys, all in one day. It's just a cute little one bedroom right by the E Center. I have some close coworkers that live only 2 min away. :) Only problem is, is that I haven't had a day off to move. :) I work both jobs tomorrow, so my dad is going to move some boxes for me. He's so sweet. Then on Saturday, while I'm on call again, Kayla's bro and my dad will move the big stuff. I'll help as much as I can, as long as I don't get called in. Then on Sunday (my day off, finally) I hope I'll be able to take the whole day to unpack, and get settled. :)

The appliances are actually white in my apt. But the carpet, counters, fridge, paint, stove and dishwasher (thats right an actual dishwasher) are all new :)

My family room (with balcony)



front door, dining area, and a little bit of the kitchen, and hallway

Kitchen

So I really want to go back to blonde. Which is my natural hair color. Here are a couple of pics with me with blonde hair.....and with brown...lets compare...

Now with blonde....

So I have some pics from my great grandpas funeral. My goal next year is to not post any family funerals. haha. I didn't want to post a lot of pics. Just your usual funeral pictures.



An Edelweiss is the Swiss flower, and was my great grandpas favorite.



I like this pic of my dad taking a pic of me. hahaha


My cousin Sydney (it was her 13th birthday :( so sad) and I love my cousin Halen's face in this pic!
My cousin Sydney and me


My grandma, Sydney and me


My cousin Jessica, grandma, Sydney and me